Ask me…anything

Wondering why - as a woman - I also work with men?

I have had the clear call to initiate men in this Sacred way for many years now. Then, 4 years ago, my dad had a severe bike accident where he broke his neck and became tetraplegic - the shock of his accident, seeing this strong, powerful man and role model incapable of moving anything below his neck, suddenly dependent on help day and night, was simply heart-wrenching. Life, as it has been, was never going to be the same again, neither for my incredibly tough and courageous father, nor for me. Along with the shock, pain and all the financial and other responsibilities I suddenly was confronted with, I was also catapulted into a profound journey through my paternal lineage, my forefathers showed me the horrors of the wars they experienced, the atrocities they committed, the guilt and pain and emotional suppression, the disconnect from the heart (and sex/desire) and so much more...a deep, dark journey of profound initiation and healing. Nine days after my dad's accident, I realized in all the pain and despair and fear that if he didn't die now he would want to take his life, that it was time for me to step into my power - as the initiatress (and Priestess) I had trained to be, I just couldn't not, it wasn't a choice anymore. No more second guessing my intuition or doubting my power (the power in us as human beings) - I would help my dad heal, whatever it takes. I knew it's not me who is going "to heal him", I don't believe in "healers" as "healing / curing someone", I do believe and have experienced again and again that only we can heal ourselves - yet, I believe that we can help and support others to heal themselves, especially by being fully present and helping them: regulate and soothe their nervous system (using simple tools such as breathing techniques and breathwork and much more) and merging painful /traumatic memories/situations with the emotions (with lots of different methods and tools engaging emotions as well as body work such as body de-armouring). The day I decided to show up in this way, my dad asked me to come closer to the hospital bed and whispered into my ear: "I am not giving up, I have decided to fight, and do whatever it takes to heal (- for you, because I want to see you grow and flourish)". And so he did, whilst the nine days before were a mere survival - not sure if he was going to make it to the next day - suddenly, a few days later he could move a toe, then another one, and over the coming months with hard physical training, breathing and visualization at the rehab center he was able to get back functions such as his bladder, engage more and more muscles in his lower and upper legs, shoulders, arms and ultimately fingers. I am beyond, beyond proud of his progress, 20 months later, he is still in a wheel chair and cannot move his fingers fully but he can stand (!) and walk (!) several meters - against what the doctors expected, it just blows my mind. This is my dad's own work, not mine, not his therapists', I take and want no credit for that - all it took to make the big change was that decision to not give up and do all it takes, mindset and willpower is so, so powerful, to believe in possibility and step into our power, and then take the actions needed. Through this, something shifted for me deep inside and at some point I stopped turning away all the men that were called to and asking to work with me, like it was so natural to work with men suddenly.

I remember, at first, a dear sister of mine and I offered a men's sharing circle called "Deep Listening" over a year ago and most men invited reacted with: what do you want from us, why do you do this? And we said, we just want to hold space for you and witness men in all their authentic expression without judgement. Four men did show up and it was so powerful and healing, but that's where I recognized: it was hard for men to trust and surrender fully and be held by women - and, that was the mirror too - can we as women fully TRUST our capacity to hold men, with not a shred of doubt, anywhere. Exactly that is the medicine, that we allow ourselves to surrender to the deepest of trust and be there, BE TRULY THERE for the men around us, as pure presence WITHOUT a splinter of judgement, and allow all of them, all of their emotions, their rage, their devastation, their hopelessness, their desires, their darkness, their sweetness, their biggest fears, their guilt, their shame, their pain, their horrors, their softness...and welcome all of it, deep down we find that capacity, we are strong enough to hold all of you, your dark and your light, you can let go and be held in our arms. And no, you are not too much, your desires are not too much, your lust is not too much, your darkness is not too much - it only is when it is in the shadow/the subconsciousness playing out in the dark/outside of consent. And this is why with Heart Warrior Movement (both men and women) we go into the depths of our darkness, our shadows, our suppressed sexual power and shed light on these parts, heal trauma and merge our life force / sexual energy and power with the purity of our hearts, with the clarity of consent - to set us free and dance together in ecstasy creating a new world where we end suppression of desires pushing them in the dark/unhealthy shadows, and end the intergenerational perpetuation of trauma and abuse.

And I am touched beyond words by the beauty of what unfolds through these sessions and immersions I have held so far - I have worked 1:1 with men as well as held retreats/immersions with mixed gender but I am still only dreaming of holding group immersions/initiations with men - I know when the time is right, there will be men showing up, requesting this. For now, I TRUST the timing. ♡